I has a dilemma.

Photography assignment: two portraits, one formal, one informal. Difference is how much control the photographer has over the subject, from 'near-total' to 'near-none'. Due to absence of parents and jackassery of sisters (I offered to pay them, and that still didn't induce cooperation—suck on that, money-is-the-only-motivator libertarians), my only available subject is myself.

How the holy hell does one do a portrait where one has next to no control over the subject when the subject is oneself?